Why you struggle with body image
…and why it’s not actually all your fault.
How many times have you caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and felt discouraged, maybe even disgusted? Or seen a photo of yourself and immediately criticized how your body looked? These responses are so conditioned in us that they’re second nature - we don’t even think about it but we immediately look for what is wrong and what doesn’t look good. It’s not even that we want to do that, but it’s the immediate response upon seeing a photo or reflection of ourselves. We don’t think about how beautiful that view was, how happy we look, or which loved ones are in the photo - we zoom in on what we feel is wrong with our bodies.
That can change, but first we have to look at why we were conditioned to believe that so we can change it. Here are 5 reasons you struggle with body image, and a few tips about what you can do about it.
Your mom/parent/caretaker/older sibling was constantly talking badly about their own body for as long as you can remember. “I hate the way my stomach looks, I can’t wear that it’s for skinny people, I need to lose weight before the beach trip , pregnancy ruined my body, I’m not in shape like I used to be…”. You’ve probably heard some version of these statements. They likely dieted frequently, criticized their own body, maybe even criticized other’ bodies in front of you. While they may not have meant to be harmful and were speaking out of their own body image issues, when we see this from a young age we begin to internalize the idea that bodies are only acceptable when they are slim and match the current beauty standards. No one has to say “your body isn’t okay” for you to internalize that message from everything you are seeing and hearing from the adults around you.
You were bullied or teased about your body and therefore learned from a young age that something was inherently wrong with it. Kids don’t come into the world thinking something is wrong with their bodies - they begin to believe it when they are criticized and teased for it. That sends the message that you are different and not acceptable.
Diet culture is literally everywhere and constantly telling you what is wrong with your body and what you can do to fix it, and it always involves buying something. Some diet plan, workout plan, etc. The entire diet industry is built and thrives on making you believe your body isn’t acceptable and how they can help you fix it.
Whenever you lose weight people comment on how great you look and ask for your secret, but the compliments stop as soon as you gain weight back. This sends the message that you are better in a smaller body, and it gets reinforced when the compliments stop because you gained weight.
BMI continues to be an outdated, racist tool use to measure “healthy” body mass. Which is crazy, and inherently racist as it was created from a small group of white, European (German) men. Many people agree that if muscle mass pushes you into the “overweight” or “obese” category than it’s fine, or if you’re a cisgender woman that has large breasts that is also acceptable, but otherwise you’re “overweight”. People use this argument to tell you why you need to lose weight aka why you are unacceptable as you are.
So what can you do about it? A few things.
First, recognize that the initial thoughts you have about body image are the thoughts you were conditioned to have likely for all the reasons above and then some. You don’t have to act on those conditioned thoughts; you can choose to challenge them.
Second, know that you are not alone. Body image issues plague everyone because it’s such a common issue.
Third, find a licensed therapist that specializes in working with body image issues. These are deeply ingrained issues that hard for any of us to work through on our own and take time to work through. If you are concerned you may have an *eating disorder, find a therapist that specializes in working with eating disorders.
*Resources:
Mayo Clinic - Eating Disorders
*Denver Therapy does not treat eating disorders. Denver Therapy works with body image issues that are not eating disorders. For resources on and to find help with eating disorders, see the links above.
For further reading:
Association for Size Diversity and Health
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