How A Therapist Deals with Travel Stress
How a Therapist Deals with Travel Stress
It’s that time again - time for spring and summer vacations, which can be really exciting…and really stressful. If you’re a Highly Sensitive Person or struggle with anxiety (like me), unexpected setbacks and delays can feel like the end of the world. You planned SO well, but sometimes things go wrong. We’ve all been there. The cancelled flights. Sore muscles from extended time on airport floors, uncomfortable seats and long flights. Lost luggage. The person in front of you screaming at an airline employee. Snapping at traveling companions. Forgetting something important.
When traveling there are a lot of things out of our control, but that doesn’t mean the stress has to drive us over the edge or that we have to take it out on other people. Here are a few tips that I use to reduce stress when traveling.
Stop saying “it could be worse”. Look, unless you are dead it can always be worse. It’s also not helpful to minimize or dismiss how you’re feeling - that doesn’t make feelings go away, it just stuffs them down and then they come out sideways, like snapping at your partner or kids. Instead, acknowledge that the situation is frustrating, vent to someone who has the bandwidth to listen (maybe your companions, maybe you text a friend) and then focus on what you need to do next.
Control your controllables. You can’t control a cancelled flight. You can wait in a line or use your app to figure out the next step. If you are traveling with another adult it can be helpful to divide and conquer. Maybe you wait in line at the customer service desk while the other person calls hotels to find a room for the night, look for food, etc. Whenever my husband and I deal with a cancelled flight, which has happened a few times recently, we divide and conquer: one gets in the customer service line and the other goes to look for whatever physical need has to be addressed (food, shelter, etc). If you’re traveling alone, focus on the problem that needs to be solved, then once you are solving it or have solved it, move to the next. For example, once you’re in line to get on a new flight you look up the food options in your terminal, or the hotel options nearby.
Be kind. To yourself, your traveling companions, and airline staff. No amount of screaming at someone who has nothing to do with your flight being cancelled ever made anything better or made the airline work “faster” to resolve your issue. While it is absolutely okay to be frustrated and upset, the airline workers are people too and it’s not appropriate to take your frustrations about your cancelled flight on the worker at the desk; they had nothing to do with it. If you’re a parent, this also models to your children that it’s okay to scream at others to fix your problems - - and it’s definitely NOT okay to do that. We are all responsible for our own feelings and behaviors, and for dealing our feelings in healthy and appropriate ways. Which leads me to the next tip…
Take a break. If you’re alone, put in headphones and take a walk. If you have companions, ask them to hold your stuff and go for a walk. Movement helps your body and mind process the intense feelings and help you think more clearly. If you have time it can even help to go to another terminal or a find a quiet spot at an empty gate. Take deep breaths, breathing in for a count of 5, hold it for a count of 6, and exhale for a count of 7. Do this a few times until you feel your heart rate come down. You can also do progressive muscle relaxation exercises where you tense, hold and then release your muscles intentionally, slowly moving from your head to your toes.
Ask for help. This can look different depending on each situation, but it’s always okay to ask for help (I’m looking at you, fellow people-pleasers). You don’t win an award for never having to depend on anyone. If someone says no they say no, but the answer is always no if you never ask. We had to ask friends for help a few times throughout this trip (have you ever tried to get a rideshare to the Denver airport at 2:30am?). We also had to ask one another for help. Recognize your strengths and areas of struggle, and let your traveling companion know when you need to take a quick walk, or get some water.
Pack snacks and a refillable water bottle. You might not have time to buy extra food, or you could get in after 10pm when all the food options except vending machines are closed. Bring snacks so you aren’t starving - everything is harder when you’re hungry, dehydrated and tired. Your body needs water and nutrients to function, especially when you are stressed.
Prioritize what is most important. Is it a hotel room so you can get a few hours of sleep that aren’t on the airport floor? Is it food? Buying a $50 crappy airport sweatshirt because you’re freezing? A $20 sandwich because you’re starving? Upgrading your seat so you can be more comfortable on the additional 2 legs added to your trip so you can get home? Taking a later flight home because they offered you a voucher? Whatever it is, determine your priorities and act accordingly. Traveling with delays isn’t fun but if you do it in alignment with your values to the best of your ability, it helps.
You’re not going to do it all “right”. You might be short with someone you’re traveling with, want to cuss out the person that knocked into you while running to a flight, or hate the shitty airport food, but the goal isn’t to be perfect, it’s to do the best you can and arrive to your destination safely…and feel a little better about how you handled the stress.
If you’re reading this and are thinking - that’s totally me, and I need a little more help than a list of tips, I got you. I’m a licensed therapist in Denver and I provide therapy for people-pleasing, anxiety, burnout and body image in Denver, CO. If you’re in Denver, you can book a free intro call with me here. If you’re not in Colorado, you can search for a therapist here.
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