What is a Highly Sensitive Person?

When the word sensitive is used to describe a person most people tend to think of them as someone who feels too much or cries easily, but that’s not what it means. Being highly sensitive is not the same thing as being shy or introverted, and actually many Highly Sensitive Persons are extroverted and outgoing while others are introverted and less talkative. The term Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) basically means a person with a trait where they process and more deeply impacted by stimuli than those who are not sensitive. It’s not the same thing as a sensory processing disorder or autism. HSP’s process everything on a deeper level; sounds, sights, smells, nonverbal cues from others, conversations, touch, emotions, etc. The stimuli can be someone’s tone of voice, facial expression and body language or thinking deeply about how others are affected by things because they know how they would be affected. Physical stimuli in the environment can be noise, physical space and proximity, temperature and lighting. HSPs are taking in more information from subtle and overt stimuli in their environments all the time, which is why they can be easily overstimulated and drained after a long day at work, while a non-sensitive person might have a long work day and still want to go out for happy hour or to dinner or a movie after work.

Here are a few examples of what Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs) experience:

  • easily affected by others moods

  • needing down time in a quiet or dark space after a really stimulating day such as a busy work day or event, conflict, or a day of sightseeing

  • wanting to think through every option and detail before making a decision to ensure the right decision is being made

  • being conscientious and aware of how one’s actions will affect others

  • easily affected by criticism

  • feelings get hurt easily

  • disliking/being uncomfortable with risk and impulsivity

  • feeling overstimulated when too many things are happening around you at once

  • feeling overwhelmed when asked to do multiple things at once

  • struggling when having to perform a task in front of others, but able to do it well when not being observed

  • startled easily

  • more impacted by raised voices, shouting and conflict than non-sensitive persons (think flight or freeze responses)

  • easily overstimulated by things like florescent lights, loud noises, busy environments, violent movies (teenagers handle this well, but HSPs become less tolerant as they enter their late 20s)

  • stressed by change, even if it something that was desired (like moving, new job, new baby, etc)

  • finding nature, arts or music to be particularly moving and sometimes healing

  • sensitive to the affects of caffeine and/or medications, hunger or tiredness

  • preferring to watch and observe before jumping head first into something new (once it’s familiar /known what is going to happen HSPs can jump in quickly)

If many of these sound like you, you’re not alone, and nothing is wrong with you. You might be a Highly Sensitive person if you found yourself agreeing with most or many of the things in the above list. If so you’re in good company. HSP’s make up about 20% of the population, and interestingly the trait is found in animals at about the same percentage. This trait isn’t something that is learned or develops because of an event or etc; is something you are either born with, or not. It’s been observed in MRIs that highly sensitive persons more stimulated than people who are not sensitive and don’t have this trait. Their brain literally lights up differently than someone who is not sensitive. This deeper processing of stimuli does mean that they get overwhelmed more easily but it doesn’t mean they can’t function or live “normal” lives. Highly Sensitive Persons aren’t limited in their relationships or their careers, but they may need to do them a little differently. They live in cities, the suburbs and rural areas. I’ve found that some HSPs are people-pleasers and perfectionists, but not all. The characteristics of the trait can make someone more prone to people-pleasing but not all HSPs are people-pleasers (and people-pleasing can develop for other reasons). Highly Sensitive People can be outgoing and be the center of a social circle, but they can also have fewer but deeper relationships. Most are well-liked by others and tend to be good at their jobs. They can be CEOs, educators, entrepreneurs, public speakers and have stressful jobs, but they can also be in professions that prefer to be out of the spotlight, work in quiet and calm environments and keep to themselves. No matter their career, HSPs can be great at and find a lot of satisfaction in their jobs when it’s a good fit.

That’s a little bit about what a Highly Sensitive Person is…here is what it is NOT: a diagnosis, an illness, something that is wrong with you, or a problem to be solved. It’s not autism, a sensory disorder, introversion, social anxiety, or shyness (even though it can sometimes look like being shy). These are actually entirely different traits that present in different channels in the brain than the highly sensitive trait.

Being highly sensitive isn’t a weakness, it can actually be a significant strength when you learn how to work with this trait and not against it.

That’s where I come in.

I help clients understand, embrace and work with this trait so that it becomes a strength, not something they feel is a weakness. Because trust me, it can be one of your greatest strengths when you understand it and learn how to work with it. Understanding yourself better will help you take better care of yourself and empower you to ask for and create what you need in your job, relationships and family in order to have a fulfilling life.

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