Therapy for High Achievers & Perfectionism in Denver
You get shit done.
You do everything that is asked of you, and then some.
Even when it costs you everything.
You are reliable. Dependable. You always produce high quality work, and do it without complaining (at least not out loud, and definitely not to your boss).
You did well in school (even if it was hard), and you’re doing well at work too - at least it appears that way from the outside.
You’re making good money. You have more responsibility than other colleagues your age or with your experience because you’re so good at what you do that they keep giving you more because they know you can handle it (but can you? I mean you can, but at what cost?)
You always do excellent work because you’re a perfectionist. You’re not going to turn in the project, send the email or send off the presentation until it is flawless and something you feel proud to put your name on.
You don’t believe in doing anything that is “just good enough” (I mean, busting your ass is what has gotten you this far so it doesn’t feel like a bad thing) and you are usually rewarded for it.
But the constant strive for perfection is causing problems in your relationships and hurtling you towards burnout.
Because you rarely say no to anything at work, which can cause issues at home when your partner has to pick up the slack or your kids or partner are disappointed you missed something, again (don’t they get that you’re just trying to provide a good income, and take care of everyone?)
You wish you got a little appreciation for the sacrifices you are making and how hard you work. You don’t need a gold medal but a little recognition would be nice. Just a little indication that all the hustle and grind will be worth it.
You get stuck in “analysis paralysis” - because if you don’t know the right decision, you struggle to make one, because what if you make the wrong choice?
You hesitate and avoid starting a task because you don’t have time to complete it, so better wait until you have enough time (even though that never seems to happen)
…which makes you feel worse. Because even though you “don’t have time”, the incomplete task weights on your mind and makes you feel anxious.
You put pressure on yourself to be the perfect partner, friend, parent, colleague…and you’re really hard on yourself when you make mistakes (which also makes you feel worse).
You feel horrible when you think you may have let someone down, but you don’t know how to keep all the balls in the air without letting someone down. Even working 15 hour days, it feels like you’re letting a ball drop somewhere, and you hate it but don’t know how to change it.
You know you’re probably headed for burnout (or divorce) if something doesn’t change.
If any of that sounds like you, you’re not alone and
it doesn’t have to keep being this way.
I get it because I’ve been there. I used to work 13-15 hour days, believing I was advancing my career and providing for my family - but then I would get home and didn’t have the energy to engage with anyone. I would tell my husband that I loved him, but didn’t have the capacity to hear about this day -and that felt SO shitty. But it isn’t that way anymore. My marriage is fulfilling and I genuinely look forward to hearing about his day and spending time with people and doing things that I love, and you can too.
Here’s what I know: you can learn how to show up for others and still show up for yourself. You can find balance and stop striving for perfection to the point where it causes more problems than it solves. You can learn how to let go a little bit without feeling like you’ve lost all control.
You don’t have to give up being a high-achiever, quit your job or leave your partner.
Many of the clients I work with are afraid those are the only options and are relieved to learn that it’s not that black and white. You don’t have to choose between the great job and being a great partner (or parent). You can have both, you just have to change the way you approach it, which is where I come in. I help clients understand where perfectionism comes from so they can stop putting so much pressure on themselves to show up perfectly all the damn time. I help them move from analysis paralysis to trusting themselves to make decisions confidently. Make changes that actually feel good and aligned with who they are and who they want to become. I help clients find ease in balancing their work and their relationships by learning how to set boundaries, reduce and manage anxiety that creeps in when they allow themselves to be less than perfect, and make decisions that feel good.
The change and relief you desire is possible.
Get started now by booking a free consult so you can move out of survival mode and start thriving.
Frequently Asked Questions:
Is Perfectionism always a bad thing?
Not at all! It can be healthy to want to do things well, take pride in your work and relationships, and want to be seen as reliable and dependable. It becomes a problem when it’s so consuming that we’re actually creating unnecessary stress and anxiety for ourselves, or have unreasonable expectations for ourselves and others. It's also a problem if it’s leading to burnout, or causing us to question our careers and relationships. While it isn’t always bad to question those things, it feels better when we do it from a place of calm confidence, not reactivity, fear or burnout.
Can High Achievers maintain excellence while avoiding burnout?
It’s not a zero sum game - you don’t have to choose between being a high achiever or burnout. Learning how to set boundaries, have healthy expectations, build fulfilling relationships and participating in self-care that actually energizes you are all what I call protective factors in preventing burnout. You can have a high-power, high-achieving career and still have all of these things. I’ve seen it, experienced it and I know how to help you get it.
Why do Perfectionists struggle with Anxiety and Burnout?
Yes - because it’s really hard to get your brain to shut off and relax. Perfectionists set crazy high standards for themselves, and when they don’t meet them (which is inevitable at times), they get stressed - really stressed. And when they meet those standards, then they usually raise them again. Perfectionism can also cause anxiety because it’s your inner critic is constantly yelling, "Not good enough!"—even when you are doing well. This constant pressure creates chronic stress which leads to burnout. It’s exhausting trying to be perfect all the time, and the irony? Perfectionists often accomplish a lot, but they rarely let themselves enjoy it because there’s always more to do - there’s always going to be the next project, assignment, etc.
How can High Achievers manage Imposter Syndrome?
First off, imposter syndrome is a lie because it’s alway the people who actually deserve to be somewhere that doubt themselves the most. High achievers feel it because they’re always pushing themselves into new territory and new accomplishments, and when you're constantly leveling up, it’s common to feel like you don’t really belong. But here’s the thing: you didn’t accidentally stumble into success, you earned it. Here is a great tip I learned from a supervisor who taught me how to advocate for myself when it came time for annual reviews: keep a “me” folder on your phone or computer. Save every compliment, win, accolade or recognition that someone has given you (particularly when it is from supervisors, clients, colleagues or others you respect) and look back at it when doubt creeps in. This is helpful in advocating for salary increases, but also a good reminder of what you have accomplished and how good you are at your job, even when you have trouble believing it.
Can you be a High Achiever without being a Perfectionist?
I mean, yes - anything is possible, but I have found the two go together pretty often because the perfectionism drives high achieving, and the desire to be a high achiever can result in striving for perfection so it becomes a self-fueling cycle. Additionally, many high achievers who struggle with perfectionism also struggle with people-pleasing. The good news is each of these things can change, and if you struggle with any of them, you’re in the right place.
How does perfectionism affect relationships?
Perfectionists tend to have ridiculously high expectations for themselves and for other people. It’s not that you’re trying to be difficult; you just genuinely believe things should be done a certain way (your way). This can lead to frustration when people don’t meet those expectations, or it can make perfectionists hesitant to open up and be vulnerable with others because they don’t want to seem “messy” or like they don’t have it all together. For this same reason, perfectionists tend to seek out relationships with others that are also high achievers and perfectionists, because they “get” each other and think similarly, but they can still be pretty superficial relationships because real relationships thrive on vulnerability, not perfection. It can also be hard for others to be vulnerable with perfectionists because they don’t feel like they’re being judged on their performance in a friendship or relationship.
Why do high achievers sometimes feel isolated?
You’ve heard the phrase 'it’s lonely at the top'‘, right? That’s because it is. Many high achievers feel lonely and isolated because it can feel like no one else gets it. They don’t get what it’s like to do what it takes to achieve so much. High achievers are often staying late or working late into the night after dinner, saying no to plans, and revolving their lives around work. And while they’re out there hustling they can miss out on social stuff or family events, which can be isolating. Plus, people tend assume high achievers “have it all together,” so others don’t always check in on them. High achievers have to make a conscious effort to step back from work and reconnect with people if they want to have fulfilling relationships and get the support they need.
