Is Perfectionism always a bad thing?

Not at all! It can be healthy to want to do things well, take pride in your work and relationships, and want to be seen as reliable and dependable. It becomes a problem when it’s so consuming that we’re actually creating unnecessary stress and anxiety for ourselves, or have unreasonable expectations for ourselves and others. It's also a problem if it’s leading to burnout, or causing us to question our careers and relationships. While it isn’t always bad to question those things, it feels better when we do it from a place of calm confidence, not reactivity, fear or burnout.

Can High Achievers maintain excellence while avoiding burnout?

It’s not a zero sum game - you don’t have to choose between being a high achiever or burnout. Learning how to set boundaries, have healthy expectations, build fulfilling relationships and participating in self-care that actually energizes you are all what I call protective factors in preventing burnout. You can have a high-power, high-achieving career and still have all of these things. I’ve seen it, experienced it and I know how to help you get it.

Why do Perfectionists struggle with Anxiety and Burnout?

Yes - because it’s really hard to get your brain to shut off and relax. Perfectionists set crazy high standards for themselves, and when they don’t meet them (which is inevitable at times), they get stressed - really stressed. And when they meet those standards, then they usually raise them again. Perfectionism can also cause anxiety because it’s your inner critic is constantly yelling, "Not good enough!"—even when you are doing well. This constant pressure creates chronic stress which leads to burnout. It’s exhausting trying to be perfect all the time, and the irony? Perfectionists often accomplish a lot, but they rarely let themselves enjoy it because there’s always more to do - there’s always going to be the next project, assignment, etc.

How can High Achievers manage Imposter Syndrome?

First off, imposter syndrome is a lie because it’s alway the people who actually deserve to be somewhere that doubt themselves the most. High achievers feel it because they’re always pushing themselves into new territory and new accomplishments, and when you're constantly leveling up, it’s common to feel like you don’t really belong. But here’s the thing: you didn’t accidentally stumble into success, you earned it. Here is a great tip I learned from a supervisor who taught me how to advocate for myself when it came time for annual reviews: keep a “me” folder on your phone or computer. Save every compliment, win, accolade or recognition that someone has given you (particularly when it is from supervisors, clients, colleagues or others you respect) and look back at it when doubt creeps in. This is helpful in advocating for salary increases, but also a good reminder of what you have accomplished and how good you are at your job, even when you have trouble believing it.

Can you be a High Achiever without being a Perfectionist?

I mean, yes - anything is possible, but I have found the two go together pretty often because the perfectionism drives high achieving, and the desire to be a high achiever can result in striving for perfection so it becomes a self-fueling cycle. Additionally, many high achievers who struggle with perfectionism also struggle with people-pleasing. The good news is each of these things can change, and if you struggle with any of them, you’re in the right place.

How does perfectionism affect relationships?

Perfectionists tend to have ridiculously high expectations for themselves and for other people. It’s not that you’re trying to be difficult; you just genuinely believe things should be done a certain way (your way). This can lead to frustration when people don’t meet those expectations, or it can make perfectionists hesitant to open up and be vulnerable with others because they don’t want to seem “messy” or like they don’t have it all together. For this same reason, perfectionists tend to seek out relationships with others that are also high achievers and perfectionists, because they “get” each other and think similarly, but they can still be pretty superficial relationships because real relationships thrive on vulnerability, not perfection. It can also be hard for others to be vulnerable with perfectionists because they don’t feel like they’re being judged on their performance in a friendship or relationship.

Why do high achievers sometimes feel isolated?

You’ve heard the phrase 'it’s lonely at the top'‘, right? That’s because it is. Many high achievers feel lonely and isolated because it can feel like no one else gets it. They don’t get what it’s like to do what it takes to achieve so much. High achievers are often staying late or working late into the night after dinner, saying no to plans, and revolving their lives around work. And while they’re out there hustling they can miss out on social stuff or family events, which can be isolating. Plus, people tend assume high achievers “have it all together,” so others don’t always check in on them. High achievers have to make a conscious effort to step back from work and reconnect with people if they want to have fulfilling relationships and get the support they need.